奇葩的申请Essay

“I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I havebeen known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them moreefficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cubanrefugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

“我是精力旺盛的家伙——爬墙和砸冰，小菜一碟。我远近闻名，因为有次我利用午休时间，改造了火车站，提高了候车室保温效果。我曾为古巴难民，逐条翻译过骂人的脏话。我写过歌剧，并且还得了奖。我的工作效率很高。有时，我可以连续三天踩水。

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilotbicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-MinuteBrownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and anoutlaw in Peru.

追求女人，我自有一套——英俊的外貌和长号吹奏，如天籁之音。骑车，似杂耍般，速度飞快。做一份布朗尼巧克力饼，别人半个小时，我二十分钟就能搞定。粉刷墙壁，我是行家；谈恋爱，我是老手；在秘鲁，我又是一个亡命之徒。

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedlydefended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious armyants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject ofnumerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in myyard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repairelectrical appliances free of charge.

在亚马逊流域的小村庄里，一把锄头，一大杯水，我孤军奋战，击退了浩浩荡荡的、凶狠的蚂蚁大军。我用大提琴演奏蓝草音乐，连大都会博物馆都来找过我，我还是众多纪录片的男主角，被警方跟踪也在所难免。当我厌烦了，不想逗他们玩了，我就在自家院子里拉几根钢索吊桥。我特别钟爱城市的滑翔游戏。通常在星期三放学后，我义务为大家修理电器设备。

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Criticsworldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’tperspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been callernumber nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jerseywith a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat. 400. My deft floralarrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Childrentrust me.

我身兼数职：抽象派艺术家，具体的分析家，无情的赌马人。一件我自己做的灯芯绒晚礼服，全世界的评论家无不为之倾倒。我可不跟他们一起发疯，我行事向来低调，虽然我常收到粉丝们的信件。我还参与过打电话中大奖的游戏，赢得了周末入场券。去年，我参加了新泽西的了离心力证明之旅，我可以击400下呢。而灵巧的插花手工艺，也有幸让我赢得国际花卉圈内之薄名。孩子们信赖我。

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. Ionce read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and stillhad time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exactlocation of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covertoperations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in achair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group ofterrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply tome.

用网球拍投掷移动的小东西，我准星挺高。一天之内，我曾读完《失乐园》、《白鲸》、《大卫•科波菲尔》，剩下的时间，还够我将餐厅装饰一新。我知道超市里每种食品的确切位置。我为中央情报局做过秘密卧底。我一周只睡一次，睡在椅子上。有一回在加拿大度假，一群恐怖分子在抢劫一家面包店，我成功地与他们达成协议。身体极限，在我看来，没有这回事儿。

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. Onweekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago Idiscovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have madeextraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breedprizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-divingcompetitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

我心智健全，爱好编织，热衷创新发明，享受生活，没有外债。周末时，为摆脱俗世纠缠，我一心研究纸艺。数年前，我发现了生活的真谛，但是忘了记录。只要有茂利（译注：一种食品加工器）和烤箱，我就能做四道美味无比的主菜。我养的蛤贝得过大奖。圣胡安的斗牛比赛，斯里兰卡的攀岩比赛，克里姆林宫的拼写比赛，我全赢过。我演过哈姆雷特。我主刀过心脏手术。我还与猫王交谈过。

But I have not yet gone to college.”

但是，我却还没有上过大学。”